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Loving Your Teenager (In Spite of Themselves)
by © Judith Tramayne-Barth
HOLD YOUR TEEN ACCOUNTABLE
Under no circumstances allow your teen to pass the blame. They must learn at an early age the only one responsible for their decisions is them. If you constantly give your teen an easy out, they'll take it and soon, it becomes a habit. Responsibility means:
RESPONDING WITH ABILITY
It's what every parent should strive to do, teach their children how to respond with ability. When you do and your teen comes upon a situation which requires them to make the right decision, they should be able to do it without thinking. It should come as naturally as breathing. The teens who know how to accept blame, also know how to think from A to B to accepting the consequences. In other words, C.
These are the teens who can't be influenced by their peers. They have a mind of their own and use it to influence others. Be proud, you have raised a leader not a follower. A comforting thought in our less than perfect world.
PREPARING YOUR TEEN FOR THE REAL WORLD
Every year your teen should be given more freedom. A better word would be independence. Too many parents want to protect their teens from life's bumps and bruises. Coddling is good for babies but not teens. Curb your desire to make it easier on your teen than what you experienced. They must learn a good work ethic if they are going to succeed in the real world. Teach them their word is their bond. If they say they are going to do something, make sure they do what they promised even if it isn't convenient or something better has popped up. You are instilling discipline — the discipline to put work first and pleasure second.
A disciplined teen will do better in school, make better choices in their personal life and be ready to accept doing boring tasks when an employer demands this as part of their employment.
Teenagers shouldn't be given money just for being part of your family. Assign every day chores you expect them to accomplish without giving them an allowance. Only when they go above and beyond these chores should you pay them for their work. If they want extra money, allow them to take a part-time job. This will show them how to handle money. Don't bail them out when they get into a financial jam. Work with them to figure out a way they can solve their problem. If you don't, you will find yourself constantly bailing them out when they are well into their twenties.
Each year extend your teen's curfew if they have shown responsibility. Make sure they know curfews are the one rule you won't allow broken. A teen can come up with a load of reasons why they should stay out later. Weigh each reason on a case-by-case basis and make sure if you do allow latitude, they know it is only for this one instance.
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